Freddy Krueger “Relaunched” In New Movie

Ooh pick me pick me!Michael Bay has announced that his horror production company Platinum Dunes is planning to “relaunch” the Nightmare on Elm Street series, giving it a “complete overhaul” and jettisoning Wes Craven and Robert Englund (who’s now nearly 60).

There’s no word yet on whether they’ll remake the original, go for a prequel, or do something entirely different. Platinum Dunes is also responsible for the rejiggered “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” and they begin filming a reboot of “Friday the 13th” this coming April.

There’s no script yet for the new Nightmare movie and New Line says it won’t hire writers until after the strike is over. We assume that means Michael Bay is already secretly writing the new script and packing it chock-full of stupid dialogue and bad action scenes. Congratulations, Bay, we’re already scared.

“Freddy’s Back” [IGN]

“Nightmare on Elm Street to get reboot” [Guardian]

January 31, 2008 | Filed Under Movies, News | View Comments 

What Acid Best Dissolves A Corpse? Quick!

Body-Dissolve(tm) Barrel - MediumFinally, someone has put Yahoo Questions to good use, with an important question for the ages. And what’s even more impressive is it was answered promptly and with authority, perhaps even… experience?

What acid is best to dissolve a corpse – and where can i get some – quick!/?

Sample answer:

“Any of the strong acids should work fine. HCl, H2SO4.
Best of luck on your endeavors.”

January 22, 2008 | Filed Under Funny, Online | View Comments 

Man Accidentally Hangs Self While Filming Hanging Stunt

Properly TiedHere’s more proof you should really have some experience with stunts and effects before you try dangerous, potentially lethal tricks on your own.

A 23-year-old tried to fake-hang himself while a friend filmed. They went to the park and the guy rigged himself up with a harness and “fake” noose–but for some reason the fake noose actually worked while the harness didn’t. And his friend filmed it because he wasn’t aware something had gone wrong at first.

The hanged man didn’t die from the stunt and is recovering in a hospital–apparently he makes nooses incompetently as well, which is actually a good thing for him.

Assuming he recovers and gets on with his life, I wonder what he’ll end up doing with the video footage he has of him nearly hanging his own damn self by accident. That’s some priceless YouTube footage right there.

“Man accidentally hangs self in amateur stunt” [Reuters]

January 20, 2008 | Filed Under News | View Comments 

Graveyard Scented Pillar Candles

Graveyard pillar candlesUnderground Humor says that “Pillars are the most statuesque and decorative of all the candle types available.” I’m not so sure about that—haven’t they heard of hand of glory? Still, these scented candles come in four ghoulish scents and I can’t wait to stink up my home with them.

Here’s how the site describes them:

Coffin — This dark purple candle is a dead ringer! A bit of old rotting wood with a bit of earth underscored with a masculine lavender to give it some “body”.

strong>Corpse — This dark blue candle is full base pierced with a stinging balmy mint scent, pleasantly reminiscent of a cold embalmed corpse.

Crypt Moss — This dark green candle smells like sweet oak moss clinging to an earthy base and a touch of wood spice.

Graveyard — This black candle will remind you of an old forlorn, crumbling cemetery with its strong tones of wet earth blended with a hint of Frankincense and a touch of myrrh.

Buy these candles at www.undergroundhumor.com

January 17, 2008 | Filed Under Decor, Shopping | View Comments 

Human Muti: Ritual Killings And Organ Harvesting For Luck

ms-mutipurchase300.jpgIn 2005, an Australian news agency put together a lengthy news report on Sangomas, or traditional healers in Southern Africa, and the folk medicine called muti. For the most part, muti is all about roots and herbs, asking for help from ancestors, and good luck charms. But there’s also a vicious minority of practitioners who use human parts, usually harvested from victims while they’re still alive because the pain is believed to make the medicine more powerful.

Around the 8:55 mark is a horrible story of Peter Sello, a child who lured into an ambush, possibly by a neighbor who is a local healer, then “harvested” by a group of attackers. He was found still alive, but missing several body parts and part of his brain, and later died.

The Independent has an article about muti and ritual killings from August 2004, centered around the attack on the Sello child:

How the body parts are used varies with what customers want to achieve. They are eaten, drunk or smeared over the ambitious person. Various parts are used for different purposes. A man who had difficulty in producing children killed a father of several children and used his victim’s genitals for muti. In another case, a butcher used a severed human hand to slap each of his products every morning before opening as a way of invoking the spirits to beckon customers.

Mathews Mojela is the head teacher at Sello’s primary school. He has worked in rural areas for nearly a quarter of a century and says muti is founded in the archaic belief that there is only a limited amount of good luck around. If one wants to increase his wealth or luck, then it should come at another’s expense.

The screaming of a child while his body parts are being chopped off is also regarded as a sign calling customers to the perpetrator’s business, Mr Mojolela said. It is also believed that magical powers are awakened by the screams. Eating or burying the body parts “capture” the desired results. Robert Thornton, an anthropology professor at the University of Witswatersrand in Johannesburg , who has done research in traditional healing, says children like Sello are targeted because it is believed that the power of the virgin is greater than that of a sexually active adult.

The main motivating idea is what Professor Thorntorn describes as “symbolic logic”, the idea that another person’s penis will strengthen the perpetrator’s, or that the perpetrator’s far-sightedness will be improved by devouring the victim’s eyes. Blood is thought to increase vitality.

Wikipedia’s entry on muti links to more recent ritual killings and evidence of harvested body parts—like the story from December 2006 of the discovery of human body parts found in the walls of a beauty salon that was still being built:

Police armed with sledge hammers, angle grinders and chisels hacked at the ash brick walls of Ngoveni’s salon after two sniffer dogs indicated several areas – which two State witnesses had earlier pointed out – from which the scent of rotting flesh emanated.Ncube’s mother collapsed in hysterics as police began pulling chunks of cement, mixed with what seemed to be human flesh, from the broken walls.

Police filled three evidence bags with the dark brown and black chunks.

[tags]muti,ritual killings,religion,south african,africa,zulu,sangoma,murder,organ harvesting[/tags]

January 16, 2008 | Filed Under Crime, Places, Religion, Ugly Humanity | View Comments 

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