8 Ridiculous Deaths That The “Nightmare on Elm Street” Reboot Had Better Not Try

Freddy drowns someone

Everyone knows that with Michael Bay involved in the so-called “reboot” of “Nightmare on Elm Street,” there’s a high probability that some stupid decisions are going to be made—and it’s almost certain that some of those decisions will be about the deaths.

“What crazy things can we do this time around?” they’ll ask themselves as their prostitutes bring them espresso and cocaine. “How bloody should they be? How elaborate? Should they be funny?” But the worst question they’ll ask will be, “How can we update the deaths so that a modern audience will identify with them?”

We can’t stop Hollywood from making bad decisions any more than we can stop freckles from appearing on the Irish, but we can at least try to minimize the creative damage by listing some of the stupidest ideas now, well before the script is even written, in an attempt to prevent these deaths from making it into any film. In other words—and for only this reason and no other—these scenarios are copyrighted all to hell. Don’t touch them, Bay!

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February 2, 2008 | Filed Under Features | View Comments 

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