French mayor says cemetery full; don’t die or you will be punished

The mayor of Sarpourenx, France, which I’m pretty sure translates to “suffering” or “the soap lady” (my French, she is no good), has declared the village cemetery off limits to everyone else planning on being buried there.

In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village of Sarpourenx that “all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish.”

It added: “Offenders will be severely punished.”

The banning is at least in part a political maneuver, meant to protest the fact that an adjoining village refused to let Sarpourenx acquire some adjoining private land to expand the cemetery.

There’s no word on where the dead will have to go, but I’d suggest burying them in the neighboring town’s public square.

(Photo: Tony the Misfit)

March 10, 2008 | Filed Under Funerals, Funny, News | View Comments 

How To Be Hip & Well Preserved

T-Shirt - Got FormaldehydeEveryone knows that if you want to be cool, you have to carefully pick your t-shirts. We think this “Got Milk” parody is a nice one. First of all, it’s stylishly black–nice and simple, goes with so much. Second, the parody is funny without being over-the-top. Third, it’s about corpses and funeral parlors, which means it will make some people curl their lips with slight distaste. Fourth, the design is subtle enough that you don’t feel like a walking billboard for your smartassery.

The next evolution in this mock-campaign is a bunch of photos of celebrities with formaldehyde smeared across their upper lips. Yes, please.

About $18 from UndergroundHumor.com

February 4, 2008 | Filed Under Funerals, Shopping | View Comments 

“Find A Grave”: Like A Phone Book For Dead People

Lottie’s TombstoneLooking to put flowers on Doc Holliday’s grave–or maybe a bottle of whiskey–but it’s been so long since you’ve seen “Tombstone” that you can’t remember where they said he was buried?

Never fear, Find a Grave is at your service. Or, at least, they know where it was held.

Listing well over six thousand actors and close to four thousand authors and writer, Find a Grave has to be the largest grave index on the internet. Some contributors are credited with close to a million postings.

And before you scoff and say “oh, but when was the last time it was updated?” check out the New Listings page that includes Dan Fogelberg and Benazir Bhutto. Or the more recent 2008 Necrology. Read more

January 10, 2008 | Filed Under Funerals, Reference | View Comments 

Make your own horcrux

LifeGem Pendant

Well, not really. You can’t encapsulate part of your soul into these little gems. But they are part of you. Your ashes, to be exact.

In the past, your ashes had two options:

Now, thanks to the genius folks at LifeGem®, you can have those ashes turned into gemstones. Through a process we like to call Elken Magic (because we don’t actually understand how this works), ashes of cremated individuals are filtered and compressed to make a “certified, high-quality diamond.”

Due to the unique nature of our scientific process, every single LifeGem will be a different shade, like a sunset captured in time or a wave upon the ocean. The elements and unique makeup of your loved one’s carbon directly affect the resulting color of your LifeGem diamond(s).

The process has become so streamlined over the last six years that they are able to create gemstones from locks of hair.
For our friends in the UK, here’s a link to Ashes 2 Gems, a company similar in mission to LifeGem.

September 20, 2007 | Filed Under Funerals, Shopping | View Comments 

Most expensive funeral ever

Want to be permanently preserved without having to climb up into the Andes or diving into a peat bog? Your wishes can be fulfilled thanks to a company now offering mummification for humans.

The process of mummification was most famously practiced by Ancient Egyptians, dating back to approximately 3000 B.C.E. Archaeologists have found dozens of mummies, both intentional and accidental, throughout the world.

Now, thanks to Summum you can add your name to the ever increasing list of mummies. Previously limiting their services to the preservation of pets, Summum now offers to mummify humans.

Be warned, however. This process starts at $67,000 “under normal circumstances.” But, just think, you can be forever encased in this:

 

Summum Mummy Case

September 19, 2007 | Filed Under Funerals, Shopping | View Comments 

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